24 Comments
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Neil Winward's avatar

You know that feeling when you’re young enough to have confidence that there is enough future to forgive all the mistakes you’re making?

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Sar x's avatar

Ha! Nailed it, Neil. The audacity of youth, right? When you’re convinced you’re bulletproof and every fuckup is just character-building. I’m here for it!

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DiagnosisInLove's avatar

Gonna skip this read. Never had to date in my thirties

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Sar x's avatar

Skipping it, huh? Fair play. You probably saved yourself some trauma rehashing – but it’s a wild ride, I promise you!

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DiagnosisInLove's avatar

I’ll circle back. I was married for all my thirties. Living somewhere I should have never been.

A happy father. Carving stone like waterfall I guess.

Can’t imagine anything dating related trauma rehashing. All my trauma comes from improper parenting.

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Neil Winward's avatar

It’s not dating - it’s trauma matching - great phrase!

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Sar x's avatar

Oh, Neil, you get it. Trauma matching – that’s the Tinder bio we didn’t sign up for but end up swiping on anyway. Appreciate you catching the phrase that slices like truth.

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Neil Winward's avatar

I feel fortunate to have married young and stayed that way for 37 years and counting. The accumulation of relationship scar tissue and the increased caution it brings with it, can make choosing more challenging as you get older. Pair this with the FOMO induced by dating apps - “if I stop looking am I settling for less than the ideal I might yet find?” - and you have a powerful duo advocating for inertia. You don’t spend 37 years with someone without battling through all kinds of issues. If you make it, though, you do come to appreciate the craft of Kintsugi!

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Sae Abiola's avatar

This line is 🔥 Stop dating like you’re on clearance.

I want to like this a million times.

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Sar x's avatar

You and me both, Sae! That line’s been living rent-free in my head, too. ‘Stop dating like you’re on clearance’ – consider it the new dating mantra.

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Yung Truong's avatar

I laughed so hard!! (And cried a little on the inside) finally met one who lowers my cortisol so 🤞

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Sar x's avatar

Yung! Yes! If it makes you laugh and cringe at the same time, it’s definitely doing its job. Cheers to finally finding someone who doesn’t send your cortisol into orbit!

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Yung Truong's avatar

It has been years of actively wrangling myself out of my own way! How’s the podcast going? I just thought about your post while chatting with a friend

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romantic fugitive.'s avatar

"We’re not soulmates, babe—we’re each other’s mirrors. And yikes, mine needs Windex."

as someone who has been reflecting on soul mirrors in the boys i date lately, i feel sincerely called out 😬🥲

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Sar x's avatar

Each other’s mirrors’ – and fuck, sometimes I wish mine had a dimmer switch. Glad to know I’m not alone in this, babe.

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ASI ROKSAR's avatar

I have a coupon for 20% off, when can you drop your undies lol

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Sar x's avatar

20% off? Hell, if only our self-respect was that easy to discount, right? Thanks for the chuckle, my friend.

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Corathy's avatar

"Stop dating like you’re on clearance."

That hit hard. Thank you !

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Sar x's avatar

I’m with you, Corathy! It’s a hit-you-in-the-gut kind of truth bomb, and I’m so glad it landed for you. Thanks for the love!

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The freedom of curious Tully's avatar

& in your 40’s & 50’s, run for the hills

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Sar x's avatar

Can we get this line printed on a billboard, please? Because honestly – 40s, 50s, same bullshit. Just with more expensive wine. Thanks for the grin!

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Bear Wiseman's avatar

Haha gosh I just love you. I feel so utterly beaten down lately and I have only enough fire left in me to blaze into an inferno in self-defense. After that, I'm a pile of ash, waiting to be reborn. Your enduring fire helps keep my spark from dying. Thanks for being your beautiful self so loudly. I wish we could hang out IRL 💞

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DiagnosisInLove's avatar

Oh, great read.

So for the record. I’m not dating in my forties either. I’m actually job hunting. While having my old boss play Pokémon…screaming I go to therapy before they rehire me.

🌹

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Outtamydamnmind's avatar

Yes to all of this!!!!

So we have never met but I felt like you were speaking to me 😂 isn’t it funny how much strangers actually have in common!

Biggest lesson learned this year wasn’t getting fired from my job nope it wasn’t getting ghosted by the same person who said she never would nope. It was realizing that I have abandon myself over and over again for someone else. I have chose what others wanted from me instead of what I needed from me. I have disappointed myself and in return everyone I “loved” has disappointed me. The call to action at almost 36 is to finally figure out who the fuck I am when there is no one to influence it 🤷🏽‍♀️

Thank you for this 🫶🏼!!!

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